Thanksgiving :

Just another day to express my gratitude for what Christ accomplished. And the more His love transforms me, the more Thanksgiving becomes just an ordinary day and just another opportunity to praise Him in all things.

I was meditating on verses of thanks and gratitude and in more instances than not gratitude is a command. And God's Word says that if we fail to heed this command, even the rocks will cry out in praise (Luke 19). But somehow I think we get it in our heads that we are going to wake up on Turkey Day to the smell of thousands of calories waiting to be consumed, and somehow we are going to conjure up an 'attitude of gratitude' as we spend time those in our life that are generally hardest to love. But any amount of 'conjuring' is indicative of inauthentic gratitude. True gratitude is a choice of humility that springs forth from the heart of one who recognizes their need for a Savior. And we all sense the disparity between authentic and inauthentic gratitude... or I'll speak for myself, I sense this. I watch movies that display the idealistic American Thanksgiving.. everyone sitting around the table...resounding in heartfelt thanks. And then I contrast that to reality. There is a chasm that forms between the idealistic and the realistic, and though I know that I am an eternal idealist by nature (sometimes to my detriment), some part of me still feels that there is something right, true and good in what I see on T.V.

I look to God's Word and see that there is something right, true and good about the idealistic icon of the American Thanksgiving, however it is merely a reflection...a glimpse... of what is Right, True and Good. "For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true" (Ephesians 5:9) God defines these things that we desperately want to be a part of. Getting to know Him is experiencing them...and not just on Thanksgiving, every moment of every day. I release a big sigh of relief when my idealistic self runs away with me again, and I remember that any idealism...any desire for ultimate Good to triumph, has already been resolved in the person of Jesus. There is no need for me to conjure, just to breathe (Let everything that has breath praise the Lord...Psalm 150)

Gratitude is so much more than an emotion-based response to one day out of the year when we reflect briefly about our "blessings" and then go watch the games. No - gratitude is a choice... a choice that we make every moment of every day, regardless of circumstance. A choice of fixing our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. A choice of Christ above the lusts of our flesh. A choice to die so that He might be greater in us. Yes - gratitude is far deeper, far more painful at times, far more real than a nationally celebrated holiday or a fleeting emotion.

And from the grateful heart flows fruit : there is love there, there is joy...there is peace & patience & kindness & goodness & faithfulness & gentleness & self-control. The tree that bears this fruit is a life well-aware of its Savior & a life that sings of gratitude.

And gratitude is not an after-thought. It becomes the essence of one who chooses it. Like the life of my sweet sister (in Christ) Karen, who's husband is battling cancer right now. She sees with clarity that gratitude is a choice... a choice that rescues her and frees her and gives her strength amidst the painful, confusing, and dark circumstances that threaten to engulf her with fear, anxiety and bitterness. She gets that the humbling task of gratitude is a light yoke compared to the weight of what results when it is not chosen. She gets that the pain and uncertainty in her life are not ultimate... that God is sovereign. And she gets that by choosing to focus on all she has in Christ and taking the thoughts captive that call her to wander towards disillusionment, comparison, and despair... life can be experienced fully and abundantly even in the midst of trial. This is genuine Thanksgiving and Karen's life exudes it.

Every time I talk to Karen I am amazed and spurred on. Every day is thanksgiving for her. Sometimes it's a tear-filled, heart-wrenching, feeble expression of thanks... other days it's joyful laughter. But what it never is, is a victim or response to circumstance. May that encourage you as it has me, to not simply set aside one day out of the year but to set aside our hearts every day besie the altar of thanksgiving.

Some great quotes to ponder as you give Thanks today and always:

"Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road." [John Henry Jowett]

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich." [Dietrich Bonhoeffer]

"We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction." [Harry A. Ironside]

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." [William Arthur Ward]

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord" [Psalm 150:6]

"Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift." [Apostle Paul - 2 Corinthians 9:15]

"By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name." [Hebrews 13:15]

Insecurity-Discontent-Comparison: a deadly conglomerate

I've recently been hanging out some with an acquaintance of mine, Discontent. Perhaps, you are acquainted with him too... slightly bothersome but strangely alluring fellow that always seems to show up at the most inconvenient times. There is something initially inviting about Discontent, perhaps his loyalty, but each time we hang out I always leave feeling like the life has been sucked from me. Like the other day when I intended to make a quick stop to re-fill a perfume bottle and I look over to see Discontent walking my way (at least I saw him coming this time, usually he blind sides me). I quickly dashed behind one of the make-up counters and pretended to be really interested in blush all of the sudden. I avoided him for a little bit, but eventually he found me and of course all he ever wants to do is talk about the latest and greatest. Not too long after that we ran into Discontent's associate, Comparison. Comparison is even more of a gossip than Discontent, but they feed off of each other like parasites. They have an interesting relationship and usually you know that if one is around, the other is somewhere near. Comparison is a classic "Chatty Cathy". Sometimes I even wonder if she stops to come up for air. But Discontent always encourages her, mostly listening and agreeing, but also throwing in his pessimistic two cents. Their narcissistic personalities seem to work well together and their business is thriving here in Dallas. Their under-the-radar operation is endorsed by the most elite corporations and they recenty formed a merger with Northpark Mall. But their success can be largely attributed to the brains of the whole operation, Insecurity. Insecurity is a behind-the-scenes, often very elusive character and because he has been around so long, people usually don't even realize that they've been with him. He is extremely introverted and a bit of a wallflower, so he is easy to overlook. Almost everyone is acquainted with Insecurity, but very few people admit they even know of him because there is such a stigma with his name. And while Insecurity remains independent of Discontent and Comparison, he provides the driving force of everything they accomplish.

So, after an hour of listening to Discontent and Comparison go on and on the other day, I finally just got up and left. I'm sure they perceived that as rude, but even just that short amount of time spent with them began to drain the life from me so I didn't care. I needed fresh air. It felt good to take a stand against their meaningless chitchat that was wasting my time. In the past, they used to be my constant companions, but the more time I spend apart from them, the more obvious it becomes that they are a detriment to my soul. Truth and Grace are a couple new friends of mine, and the more I hang out with them, the less I want to be around Discontent and Comparison. The saying goes that "you are what you hang around." The depth of friendship and the life that I find with Truth and Grace makes me a better person, which I could never say about Discontent, Comparison, or Insecurity.


"The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy but I have come that you may have life and life to the full." - Jesus
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-- Where have you recently crossed paths with Discontent? At work? With your spouse? With your friends? When you look in the mirror?

-- Is Insecurity an acquaintance that you haven't admitted to? Where is Insecurity robbing you of life because you allow it to remain in the shadows of your heart? Who can you be real with today about the Insecurity in your life?

-- What voices of Comparison have you been listening to for far too long? What Truth can you replace that voice with? (See Colossians 3:1-4 as a starting place)

-- What other things/ people have you been hanging around that are slowly draining life from you? Why do you keep returning to them? Who/ What can you begin to replace those toxic environments/relationships with so that you are filled with the abundant Life Jesus promised? What is stopping you?

unexpected afternoon

I just hung out with a homeless man named Larry for about an hour. I passed by him on my way back to work after leaving lunch with a friend. He was walking down Pearl St... two plastic sacks in hand filled with garbage & dirty towels and sweat collecting underneath his bearded face and two layers of clothing in the 100 degree heat.

On most days I might have passed by and felt some sort of sympathy, but I wouldn't have stopped. Today was different. Just last night I watched a movie called Conversations with God. The theology of the movie was weak, but the man's story left me in tears. He was homeless before writing a book called Coversations with God which quickly became one of the New York Times bestsellers, and took him from rags to riches, selling over 7 million copies and translated into 34 different languages. It got me thinking about people's stories & how much we devalue and overvalue people just based on our perceptions of them. We put all homeless guys in a box...making assumptions because its safer to remain at a distance.

So I prayed last night that God would use me somehow to be an agent of hope to those that are hopeless. Incase y'all have discovered this for yourselves, God answers prayers. Sometimes faster than we would prefer.

So I'm leaving lunch and headed to get some work done when I see a guy walking beside my car. Immediately, I feel the Spirit whispering "stop". The dialogue went something like this:
Spirit: "Stop"
Me: "Huh...what? Why? What am I gonna say?"
Spirit: "Stop"
Me: "Oh man. Lord, what if he attacks me or something? That's probably not a smart idea?"
Spirit: "Stop"
Me: "But Lord, I am suppose to be working. Is that really being a wise steward of my time?"
Spirit: "Stop and offer him a drink."
Me: "ALRIGHT!... I'm turning around. This BETTER be your voice I'm listening to."

While this dialogue is going on, I run into the gas station and grab him a cold drink. I pull up beside him and offer him the drink. He accepts with a big smile on his face and starts to walk away. I tell him to wait and ask him his name. He tells me it's Larry and I stuck out my hand, "Mine's Brooke." He looked at my hand for a few seconds and then shook it graciously like it had been a while since someone exchanged this token of greeting with him. "So, Larry. What's your story?" I asked. He let down his guard a bit and began to see that I was genuinely interested. I think sometimes all people need is just another person to look through outer appearances into their soul. We can all be that for eachother if we take the labels off and just get to know who's underneath. Some people won't let you see what's underneath because they are too busy hiding it. In my opinion, those people are in a worse position than Larry.

Larry preceded to tell me, very articulately, about his days in Vietnam and about the series of events that brought him to the streets of Dallas. After talking with him for a bit and seeing that he was as harmless as a grandpa, I asked "would you like to come into the air-conditioning?" (Some of you Safety Sams may be thinking... "what on earth were you thinking?" I don't know how to reassure you that the Spirit just gave me a sense of peace about the whole thing and I knew it was gonna be okay). Larry hesitated, "Are you sure its okay?", as if it had been a while since someone treated him with dignity. I'm sure it had been a while.

So he jumped in the passenger side and immediately the putrid smell from the rotten belongings he carried with him filled my car. I guess that's what sacrifice looks like sometimes... it pushes the envelope of our comfort zone a little...it doesn't always smell like roses. I think especially in the West, we have some glamorized view of service or philanthropy because we watch Hollywood make adopting foreign babies and raising AIDS awareness look sexy. Doing good in the world seems appealing as long as we look good doing it. But to truly be an agent of hope, we must come down off our high horses. You can't get to know people's stories when you are looking down at them... the perspective changes when you are eye to eye. So...in some small way I guess my sense of smell was my "cross to bear" today. It's the least I could offer.

We laughed and talked about Jesus. Larry seemed to have a more profound understanding of Grace than I do, and I hope our time was as encouraging to him as it was to me. He told me about his wife and about is regret in losing her to the alcoholism that ran his life for so many years before AA. He told me, "Yeah, man took the bottle and then the bottle took the man."
Larry and I talked about my story of Grace. I told him there was no reason that I'm not in his shoes or in the shoes of some orphan in Africa... the only reason I'm not is because of Grace. And even though I don't know what it's like to be homeless, I've been saved from my own depravity and that's just as much a testimony of God's goodness, mercy, and grace because even though the face of sin in my life looks different, the stain of sin was still the same.

I drove Larry downtown to The Bridge (a new shelter) and got him connected with a buddy who works with homeless folks down there. I only hope that Larry will pursue these resources....it's hard when people get to that level in life because as much as you wanna believe change for them, unless they start to believe it for themselves, the cycle will continue. Larry and I parted ways. He thanked me "for bringing hope into his life today." I started to cry and said "its the least I could do." I gave him what I had incase he needed to catch a bus or something. I plan on visiting him at The Bridge. I hope he will be there.

Unexpected Afternoon. Even more unexpected was the blessing that resulted. Life truly is worth living when it's not about us. I'm reminded of that today and I'm better for it. I share this story, not to toot some Good Samaritan horn and not to encourage everyone to visit their local homeless shelter (though it probably wouldn't hurt). But I share it because I was humbled today & lessons of humility are sometimes hard to come by. Thanks for reading.
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"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." -Jim Elliot

friendship

I was overwhelmed recently by the abundance of incredible people in my life. Some that make me laugh... okay, most of my friends make me laugh. How am I friends with such funny people? Well, they say you become what you hang around...hmm. And some that bring joy and gentleness and all of those things that don't come so naturally to my melancholy spirit.

So here is a toast and a big cheers to the richness of true friendship. I'm holding out my mango margarita...
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"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house anymore. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul."
1 Samuel 18:1-3 New King James Version
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"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Proverbs 18:24 New International Version
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"Make no friendship with a man given to anger,nor go with a wrathful man,or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself.Proverbs 22:24-25 New American Standard
If you have find honey, eat just enough,too much of it, and you will vomit.
Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house—too much of you, and he will hate you."
Proverbs 25:16-17 New International Version
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"Better is open rebuke
Than love that is concealed.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."
Proverbs 27:5-6 New American Standard
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"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls for he has no one to help him up."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 New King James Version
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"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you."
John 15:12-15 New King James Version Bible
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"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Prov 17:17 New International Version
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"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself."
1 Sam 18:1 New International Version
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"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Eccl 4:9-12 New International Version
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"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."
Rom 12:15 New King James Version

not a fan of me

[two weeks ago real time]

i spent the day attempting to avoid myself....that's hard to do & requires alot of caffeine. i think i began an addiction to Monster energy drinks today. i consumed two. the back of the can says not to consume more than 3 a day. scary. i don't normally consume things that have words i can't pronounce on the nutrition label.

i filled my time with work, busyness, and distraction... all with the hopes of not facing the realities going on in my heart. my efforts were in vain and as i face the end of another day, i'm saddened by my lack of intimacy with my Savior & my trust in myself to cope with life. oh, how much time i waste and how easily my heart is hardened when i cope with life rather than deal with it.

so now, exhausted by this hamster wheel of my own creation, i finally give up... and find that in surrendering my avoidance tactics i at last find peace. the unrest results from my own striving... but rest comes when i'm finally willing to come to that place where i stop trying to "fix" myself.

i don't have to avoid... i can deal.... and Romans 8 reminds me how.

"With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that.
The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us. Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life." -The Message

i can only life my hands in praise and repentence to You, Father. you did it... its done. i don't have to run. make my view of me, your view of me. i offer You rubbish to say "i love you"

that's HOT

although I must admit I have succomb to adding this Paris Hilton-inspired buzz term into my vernacular, the cultural implication of it still urks me.

not really the saying itself, but just what it represents... we are a society obsessed with physical attractiveness...to the degree that inanimate objects are labeled "hot". But don't take my word for it, numbers speak louder than I ever could:
"Each year, billions of dollars are spent in the quest to come just a bit closer to our culture's ideal beauty: $20 billion on cosmetics; $2 billion on hair products; $74 billion on diet foods." [Wanting To Be Her, by Michelle Graham]

And not to mention the industry that is alive and thriving b/c women want a more permanent "fix" to their "flaws"... Plastic Surgery. Melanie Griffith has spent over $50,000 on plastic surgery; Baywatch legend Pamela Anderson admits to having had multiple liposuctions & enlarging her breasts.

Oh, and did I mention that the average North American woman is 5 foot 3 inches tall and weighs 152 pounds. The average model is 5 foot 9 inches and weighs 110 pounds. In the past three decades, most Miss America winners had a body mass index that lies within the range of malnutrition. Explain that to the kids in Sudan, unwillingly suffering from malnutrition. I can just picture me sitting in the dirt with a skinny little African girl:
ME: "yeah, back home there are some people who choose to starve themselves so that they look skinnier"
Little African Girl: "but don't they have food they can eat?"
ME: "yes, but they care more about what their body looks like than the food."
Little African Girl: "I wish I could have the food that they have but don't want"
ME: "I wish you could too"

Tears.

It's sick really.

And what really makes me sick is the driving force with which we are running towards this mirage on the horizon. We compare ourselves to eachother while the rest of the world starves. It's estimated by the United Nations Development Program that basic health and nutritional needs of the world's poorest people could be met for an additional $13 billion a year. American and Europeon pet lovers spend more than that each year on pet food!!!

I was talking with some guy friends tonight and my heart left feeling heavy that the effects of our culture can even be felt in what solid, Christian men are looking for in someone that they date. "Integrity, rooted in her faith... oh and HOT". Awesome... really reinforces to us women where true value lies. If "hot" is among one of the top 3 values for most Christian men, what message does that communicate to us ladies? To me it says "Jesus PLUS I need to strive toward looking good on the outside." Call me Crazy, but shouldn't the message just be "Jesus"?

I understand the role of being attracted to your future mate and I think that has its place, but attractiveness rooted solely in some outward persona which has diminishing returns seems to weigh alot more heavily than it should if we are to be a people "in the world but not of it". In most of my interactions with Christian men, though their pursuits are a little more redeemed, I still see the quest for a trophy wife.

Just as we've bought the lies our society feeds us as women, so also, our brothers have bought the lies about beauty and perpetuate them in their apathy to be set apart in what they value in women. Flesh drives them just as much as it drives men who have not been redeemed by the blood of our Savior... it's just that now its spiritualized & maybe even tampered a bit.

In NO way am I trying to shift the responsibility of this on our Christian brothers... but I do think that they play a vital role in our freedom from the lie that we've bought: "physical beauty equals happiness". Dream with me for a moment... if our Christian brothers were to unite and encourage us more intentionally in the areas of integrity, character, fruits of the Spirit, matters of the heart, ambition, etc. .... I think it would have a huge impact on us. Even more than they realized.

If the values of our Christian brothers could be felt and given a louder voice than the things the world values and holds high, I think there could be potential for much freedom from the chains we carry around under the weight of expectation of what an "ideal woman" is.

And maybe it will take us, sisters, to bear our souls and be real about our struggles in the area of Body Image & Comparison. Through our authenticity maybe the scales will fall from the men around us whose lust for worldly standards of beauty still creates a false lens through which they view and value women. O, how I wish they would stand and fight for our souls and realize the depth of shame so many of us feel in a world of comparison.

Check out this link:

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/flat4.asp?id=6909

That's all I got for today. Thanks for tuning in

Singleness Defined

It's been far too long since I've written, which sadly is a reflection of poor priorities lately on my part. Writing, for me, is such a litmus test of where my heart is. When I'm dealing with stuff in my own strength, writing ceases in my life. When I'm trusting the Lord in the season of life I find myself in, my writing amplifies. One can conclude, therefore, that my trust lately has been more centered around my narrow human understanding & emotional instability than on my Heavenly Father who's plans for me are Good & consistent despite my inability to believe this in the midst of circumstances that, to me, seem adverse to trusting Him.

Amongst other things I find myself wrestling with right now, I'd have to say that singleness is at the top of the list somewhere... some days #3 on the list, some days #1.... but it usually always makes at least the Top 10.

In order to express with accuracy where I am at, I'm going to allow the words of someone much more eloquent than I to speak to us here. Her synopsis of The Christian Single Life is not only hilarious but so right on... I could not have said it better. Paige Benton expresses so well the conclusions I have come to in my own life:

Singled Out by God for Good. by Paige Benton
"Had I any vague premonition of my present plight when I was six, I would have demanded that Stephen Herbison (incontestably the catch of the second grade) put his marriage proposal into writing and have it notarized. I do want this piece to be practical, so to all you first-graders: Carpe Diem.
Over the past several years I have perfected the artistry of escape regarding any singles functions-cookouts, conferences, Sunday school classes, and my personal favorite, putt-putt. My avoidance mechanism is triggered not so much by a lack of patience with such activities as it is by a lack of stomach for the pervasive attitudes. Thoreau insists that most men lead lives of quiet desperation; I insist that many singles lead lives of loud aggravation. Being immersed in singles can be like finding yourself in the midst of "The Whiners" of 1980's Saturday Night Live - it gives a whole new meaning to "pity party."
Much has been written in Christian circles about singleness. The objective is usually either to chide the married population for their misunderstanding and segregationism or to empathize with the unmarried population as they bear the cross of "Plan B" for the Christian life, bolstered only by the consolation prizes of innumerable sermons and 1 Corinthians 7 and the fact that you can cut your toenails in bed. Yet singles, like all believers, need scriptural critique and instruction seasoned by sober grace, not condolences and putt-putt accompanied with pious platitudes.
John Calvin’s secret to sanctification is the interaction of the knowledge of God and knowledge of self. Singles, like all other sinners, typically dismiss the first element of the formula, and therein lies the root of all identity crises. It is not that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but that life has no tragedy like our God ignored. Every problem is a theological problem, and the habitual discontent of us singles is no exception.
Can God be any less good to me on the average Tuesday morning than he was on that monumental Friday afternoon when he hung on a cross in my place? The answer is a resounding NO. God will not be less good to me tomorrow either, because God cannot be less good to me. His goodness is not the effect of his disposition but the essence of His person – not an attitude but an attribute.
I long to be married. My younger sister got married two months ago. She now has an adoring husband, a beautiful home, a whirlpool bathtub, and all-new Corningware. Is God being any less good to me than He is to her? The answer is a resounding NO. God will not be less good to me because God cannot be less good to me. It is a cosmic impossibility for God to shortchange any of His children. God can no more live in me apart from the perfect fullness of His goodness and grace than I can live in Nashville and not be white. If He fluctuated one quark in His goodness, He would cease to be God.
Warped theology is at the heart of attempts to “explain” singleness:
“As soon as you’re satisfied with God alone, He’ll bring someone special into your life” – as though God’s blessings are ever earned by our contentment
“You’re too picky” – as though God is frustrated by our fickle whims and needs broader parameters in which to work
“As a single you can commit yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord’s work” – as though God requires emotional martyrs to do His work, of which marriage must be no part.
“Before you can marry someone wonderful, the Lord has to make you someone wonderful” – as though God grants marriage as a second blessing to the satisfactorily sanctified
Accepting singleness, whether temporary or permanent, does not hinge on speculation about answers God has not given to our list of whys, but rather on celebration of the life He has given. I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is His best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single. The psalmists confirm that I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God withhold from me.
Such knowledge of God must transform subsequent knowledge of self – theological readjustment is always the catalyst for renewed self-awareness. This keeps identity right-side-up with nouns and modifiers in their correct place. Am I a Christian single or am I a single Christian? The discrepancy in grammatical construction may be somewhat subtle, but the difference in mindset is profound. Which word is determinative and which is descriptive? You see, we singles are chronic amnesiacs – we forget who we are, we forget whose we are. I am a single Christian. My identity is not found in my marital status but in my redemptive status. I’m one of the “haves,” not one of the “have-nots.”
Have you ever wondered at what age one is officially single? Perhaps a sliding scale is in order: 38 for a Wall Street tycoon; 21 for a Mississippi sorority girl; 14 for a Zulu princess; and five years older than I am for me. It is a relevant question because at some point we see ourselves as “single,” and that point is a place of greater danger than despair. Singleness can be a mere euphemism for self-absorption: now is the “you time.” No wife to support? No husband to pamper? Well then, by all means join three different golf courses, get a weekly pedicure, raise emus, subscribe to People.
Singleness is never carte blanche for selfishness. A spouse is not a sufficient countermeasure for self. The gospel is the only antidote for egocentricity. Christ did not come simply to save us from our sins, He came to save us from ourselves. And He most often rescues us from us through relationships, all kinds of relationships. “Are you seeing anyone special?” a young matron in my home church asked patronizingly. “Sure,” I smiled. “I see you and you’re special.”
OK, my sentiment was a little less than kind, but the message is true. To be single is not to be alone. If someone asks if you are in a relationship right now, your immediate response should be that you are in dozens. Our range of relational options is not limited to getting married or to living in the sound-proof, isolated booth of Miss America pageants. Christian growth mandates relational richness.
The only time folks talk about human covenants is in premarital counseling. How anemic. If our God is a covenantal God, than all of our relationships are covenantal. The gospel is not about how much I love God (I typically love Him very little); it is about how much God loves me. My relationships are not about how much friends should love me, they are about how much I get to love them. No single should ever expect relational impoverishment by virtue of being single. We should covenant to love people – to initiate, to serve, to commit.
Many of my Vanderbilt girls have been reading Lady in Waiting, a popular book for Christian women struggling with singleness. That’s all fine and dandy, but what about a subtitle: And Meanwhile, Lady, Get Working. It is a cosmic impossibility for God to require less of me in my relationships than He does of the mother of four whose office is next door. Obedience knows no ages or stages.
Let’s face it: singleness is not an inherently inferior state of affairs. If it were, heaven would be inferior to this world for the majority of Christians.
But I want to be married. I pray to that end every day. I may meet someone and walk down the aisle in the next couple years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date and die an old maid at 93 because God is so good to me. Not my will but His be done. Until then I am claiming as my theme verse, “If any man would come after me, let him…”