Insecurity-Discontent-Comparison: a deadly conglomerate

I've recently been hanging out some with an acquaintance of mine, Discontent. Perhaps, you are acquainted with him too... slightly bothersome but strangely alluring fellow that always seems to show up at the most inconvenient times. There is something initially inviting about Discontent, perhaps his loyalty, but each time we hang out I always leave feeling like the life has been sucked from me. Like the other day when I intended to make a quick stop to re-fill a perfume bottle and I look over to see Discontent walking my way (at least I saw him coming this time, usually he blind sides me). I quickly dashed behind one of the make-up counters and pretended to be really interested in blush all of the sudden. I avoided him for a little bit, but eventually he found me and of course all he ever wants to do is talk about the latest and greatest. Not too long after that we ran into Discontent's associate, Comparison. Comparison is even more of a gossip than Discontent, but they feed off of each other like parasites. They have an interesting relationship and usually you know that if one is around, the other is somewhere near. Comparison is a classic "Chatty Cathy". Sometimes I even wonder if she stops to come up for air. But Discontent always encourages her, mostly listening and agreeing, but also throwing in his pessimistic two cents. Their narcissistic personalities seem to work well together and their business is thriving here in Dallas. Their under-the-radar operation is endorsed by the most elite corporations and they recenty formed a merger with Northpark Mall. But their success can be largely attributed to the brains of the whole operation, Insecurity. Insecurity is a behind-the-scenes, often very elusive character and because he has been around so long, people usually don't even realize that they've been with him. He is extremely introverted and a bit of a wallflower, so he is easy to overlook. Almost everyone is acquainted with Insecurity, but very few people admit they even know of him because there is such a stigma with his name. And while Insecurity remains independent of Discontent and Comparison, he provides the driving force of everything they accomplish.

So, after an hour of listening to Discontent and Comparison go on and on the other day, I finally just got up and left. I'm sure they perceived that as rude, but even just that short amount of time spent with them began to drain the life from me so I didn't care. I needed fresh air. It felt good to take a stand against their meaningless chitchat that was wasting my time. In the past, they used to be my constant companions, but the more time I spend apart from them, the more obvious it becomes that they are a detriment to my soul. Truth and Grace are a couple new friends of mine, and the more I hang out with them, the less I want to be around Discontent and Comparison. The saying goes that "you are what you hang around." The depth of friendship and the life that I find with Truth and Grace makes me a better person, which I could never say about Discontent, Comparison, or Insecurity.


"The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy but I have come that you may have life and life to the full." - Jesus
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-- Where have you recently crossed paths with Discontent? At work? With your spouse? With your friends? When you look in the mirror?

-- Is Insecurity an acquaintance that you haven't admitted to? Where is Insecurity robbing you of life because you allow it to remain in the shadows of your heart? Who can you be real with today about the Insecurity in your life?

-- What voices of Comparison have you been listening to for far too long? What Truth can you replace that voice with? (See Colossians 3:1-4 as a starting place)

-- What other things/ people have you been hanging around that are slowly draining life from you? Why do you keep returning to them? Who/ What can you begin to replace those toxic environments/relationships with so that you are filled with the abundant Life Jesus promised? What is stopping you?

that's HOT

although I must admit I have succomb to adding this Paris Hilton-inspired buzz term into my vernacular, the cultural implication of it still urks me.

not really the saying itself, but just what it represents... we are a society obsessed with physical attractiveness...to the degree that inanimate objects are labeled "hot". But don't take my word for it, numbers speak louder than I ever could:
"Each year, billions of dollars are spent in the quest to come just a bit closer to our culture's ideal beauty: $20 billion on cosmetics; $2 billion on hair products; $74 billion on diet foods." [Wanting To Be Her, by Michelle Graham]

And not to mention the industry that is alive and thriving b/c women want a more permanent "fix" to their "flaws"... Plastic Surgery. Melanie Griffith has spent over $50,000 on plastic surgery; Baywatch legend Pamela Anderson admits to having had multiple liposuctions & enlarging her breasts.

Oh, and did I mention that the average North American woman is 5 foot 3 inches tall and weighs 152 pounds. The average model is 5 foot 9 inches and weighs 110 pounds. In the past three decades, most Miss America winners had a body mass index that lies within the range of malnutrition. Explain that to the kids in Sudan, unwillingly suffering from malnutrition. I can just picture me sitting in the dirt with a skinny little African girl:
ME: "yeah, back home there are some people who choose to starve themselves so that they look skinnier"
Little African Girl: "but don't they have food they can eat?"
ME: "yes, but they care more about what their body looks like than the food."
Little African Girl: "I wish I could have the food that they have but don't want"
ME: "I wish you could too"

Tears.

It's sick really.

And what really makes me sick is the driving force with which we are running towards this mirage on the horizon. We compare ourselves to eachother while the rest of the world starves. It's estimated by the United Nations Development Program that basic health and nutritional needs of the world's poorest people could be met for an additional $13 billion a year. American and Europeon pet lovers spend more than that each year on pet food!!!

I was talking with some guy friends tonight and my heart left feeling heavy that the effects of our culture can even be felt in what solid, Christian men are looking for in someone that they date. "Integrity, rooted in her faith... oh and HOT". Awesome... really reinforces to us women where true value lies. If "hot" is among one of the top 3 values for most Christian men, what message does that communicate to us ladies? To me it says "Jesus PLUS I need to strive toward looking good on the outside." Call me Crazy, but shouldn't the message just be "Jesus"?

I understand the role of being attracted to your future mate and I think that has its place, but attractiveness rooted solely in some outward persona which has diminishing returns seems to weigh alot more heavily than it should if we are to be a people "in the world but not of it". In most of my interactions with Christian men, though their pursuits are a little more redeemed, I still see the quest for a trophy wife.

Just as we've bought the lies our society feeds us as women, so also, our brothers have bought the lies about beauty and perpetuate them in their apathy to be set apart in what they value in women. Flesh drives them just as much as it drives men who have not been redeemed by the blood of our Savior... it's just that now its spiritualized & maybe even tampered a bit.

In NO way am I trying to shift the responsibility of this on our Christian brothers... but I do think that they play a vital role in our freedom from the lie that we've bought: "physical beauty equals happiness". Dream with me for a moment... if our Christian brothers were to unite and encourage us more intentionally in the areas of integrity, character, fruits of the Spirit, matters of the heart, ambition, etc. .... I think it would have a huge impact on us. Even more than they realized.

If the values of our Christian brothers could be felt and given a louder voice than the things the world values and holds high, I think there could be potential for much freedom from the chains we carry around under the weight of expectation of what an "ideal woman" is.

And maybe it will take us, sisters, to bear our souls and be real about our struggles in the area of Body Image & Comparison. Through our authenticity maybe the scales will fall from the men around us whose lust for worldly standards of beauty still creates a false lens through which they view and value women. O, how I wish they would stand and fight for our souls and realize the depth of shame so many of us feel in a world of comparison.

Check out this link:

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/flat4.asp?id=6909

That's all I got for today. Thanks for tuning in