The Holiday Dichotomy

What is it about the Holiday season that blurs the line between hope and despair? I think the Holidays remind us of some greater good, some bigger story, of which we all long to be a part. There is a sense of belonging that takes place during the holiday season because everyone around us is experiencing it too. Our normal routine run to the neighborhood coffee shop up the street for our morning latte ends with the Barista bidding us well with "have a great holiday." There is a buzz in the air that's celebrated in displays of lights on rooftops and window sill greetings. But this corporate sense of belonging quickly fades to feelings of isolation when we return home to an empty house with latte in hand. Being with our families presents the same incongruities. We fill up houses with familiar strangers and the depression mounts. The principle of feeling most alone in a crowded room applies here. The holidays are filled with contradictions which surface the deeper questions we have in life and leave us wondering how to resolve the merriment we’re suppose to feel with the reality of what we actually feel.

We sing about "Joy to the World" and face the realities of yet another year of dysfunctional conversations/interactions over turkey and eggnog, yet another year of unrequited love, and yet another year of resolutions to replace the ones that failed from last New Year’s Eve. How do we reconcile the joy of this season with the realities we face? How can we enJOY our time with the familiar faces we call family? And even beyond that, how can we begin to resolve the deeper questions of purpose which the holidays have a way surfacing?

I propose gratitude is the answer. Gratitude is what saves us from lives centered on accumulation and frees us to live lives centered on giving. Until our hearts are filled with gratitude and contentment, our lives will be defined by incessant and unmet desires that leave us incapable of truly engaging in the present. Gratitude keeps us from living in a world of fantasy but instead allows us to deal with life as it is, not as we would have it. But a new morning dawns along with the day’s To-Do list and we hurriedly rush out the door inundated already with thoughts of what all has to get done. Somewhere between OUR agenda for the day and the holiday-laden billboards we pass on our way, with perfectly air-brushed bodies sipping on eggnog (which doesn’t seem to pose any threat to their metabolisms) and perfectly marketed products appealing to our constant thirst for more, any sense of gratitude is lost. It’s quickly replaced by a sense of discontent and striving and the joy and contentedness of lives as blessed as ours somehow get overlooked and buried beneath a pile of receipts and shopping bags.
Then a nationally declared holiday rolls around forcing us to take a day (if that) to reflect on all we have to be thankful for. Families hold hands for a brief moment and say prayers of thankfulness for blessings and circumstances that are “better off” than most of the world. And while yes it is important to remember the “less fortunate”, gratitude is not a matter of comparison. We are not to be thankful merely because of what we have versus what “they” don’t. Genuine gratitude is not the result of circumstance which makes it available to all people no matter their social status, ethnicity, education level, life stage, or age. Genuine gratitude is a heart attitude rooted in purpose that transcends all boundaries and is often experienced more by those who have the least in a materialistic sense. In my travels overseas I have experienced first-hand the unrestricted nature of gratitude—from the lively hearts of Chinese missionaries who face daily persecution to the generous lives of Mexican church clergy living in shacks yet giving of their income to better their societies.

And like these men and women who personify gratitude, as purpose in our lives begins to fade the discontentment our lives begin to look more like theirs and less like the cultural norm. Purpose is the driving force of gratitude and keeps us from searching for life in things that will only leave us empty. Purpose is what allows us to reconcile the incongruities of the holidays and in life. Purpose is what allows us to engage with our dysfunctional families without spiraling into depression.

I experienced the blessedness of living with purpose most clearly last New Year.
I stood by in the snow waving goodbye as the charter bus rolled away taking with it the 60 high school students I had just spent the week with in Breckenridge, CO. I must admit that I was relieved a little that I would be hopping on a plane ALONE in a couple of days. But on return to the condo we had been staying in, still containing teenage remnants, I was a little saddened by their sudden absence. Just the night before we celebrated the New Year with worship, sharing our hearts, praying for each other, and later on a little dance party and ice cream! No champagne, no glamour, no midnight kiss, no alcohol-dependent “fun”… but yet, one of the best New Years’ Eves I have ever had! I didn’t wake up the next morning with regret or a headache, but instead with such a full heart. The week spent serving students and living life beside them… encouraging, exhorting, loving, correcting, disciplining, and leading… reminded me once again of the life and abundance that results from the choice to die to ourselves and live with purpose. The momentary pleasure of the world pales in comparison to the lasting richness I experienced that week. And it’s that purpose I want to hang on to each day. It’s a purpose that I find rooted in the grace of Jesus Christ.