The evolution of Thanks

I feel overwhelmed today and in light of Thanksgiving, a brief moment of reflection helps me to see that my the attitude of my heart is anything but thankful. How sad for me. For gratitude is so central to this faith I claim, and when it seems non-existent I must stop and question.

I think for me, gratitude is most often hindered by a false perception of myself. It's this cycle that begins with the internal pressure of performance informing who I am. And then sin & life happen and of course I fail to uphold some standard by which I am measuring myself. Then it is a spiral downward of guilt, shame, and an overwhelming sense that I have nothing to offer. I would like to believe Truth in these moments but the lies seem to be the louder reality. Mind you, this entire cycle can occur within a matter of minutes.

So where is the hope? How do I break out of the cycle? The Holy Spirit grabs my hand and leads me to repentence and gratitude. Then it all becomes clear again... the fog is lifted and I am reminded of the depth of Grace. It is all about Him... and my best moments of worship are when I most fully "get" this simple, yet profound Truth.

Oh, Lord forgive me for my pride... for exchanging Your Truth for lies & minimizing the Grace by which I am covered. I hang my head in shame and the entire time, You've been there trying to lift it up and to free me from self-dependent morality.

And as the sun comes beaming through the clouds of my heart, slowly my focus transitions from me to You. At first You are blurry and I can't make sense of it all, but increasingly your Spirit corrects my vision to see You for who You are. It is a breath-taking sight and now all I can do is praise You. And I don't need the excuse of a national holiday to do so.

I give you thanks Lord:
--- that you have taken this broken vessel and made it a house of Your Spirit... for I am eternally unworthy
--- that you have blessed me with friends that love me where I am at but enough not to leave me there
--- that you redeemed me from the pit & gave me a new name
--- that you are Healer and you are healing me from insecurity, past hurt, addiction, and a false view of myself
--- that you lead me to Life
--- that you are completely worthy of trust b/c you are infallible... incapable of failing me
--- that you are slowly shaping the way I love others by your love for me
--- that you formed me with your hands
--- that you bless me so I can experience the blessing of giving
--- that your patience always outlasts my rebellion
--- that your characteristics are indescribable
--- that your plan for my life is best
--- that you pursue me as if there were no others
--- that your kindness leads me to repentence
--- that you give gifts to your children
--- that you allow us to experience glimpses of True beauty
--- that you use us as part of the plot in eachother's lives
--- that you are wrapping everything up in the culmination of your return
--- that we will experience you face to face

May God use a nationally declared holiday to draw us near and may we take time to stop & reflect on matters more than just "pumpkin or pecan".