Life's Soundtrack

What is it about music that resonates with our souls? I think one reason is that, if only for a brief moment, it reminds us that there is a bigger harmony taking place behind the scenes of our lives. Music gives everything a context; it somehow blends together a mix of notes and noises to form a melodious work of art. I think deep down this is what we are secretly all hoping is true of our lives… that somehow all of these random, painful, and sometimes glorious pieces are really just parts of a greater ensemble. But how often it seems that the rhythm which composes the soundtrack of our lives is rudely interrupted by piercing notes of off-beat instruments. The empty thud of our heart when the unexpected death of a loved one touches us. The deafening buzz of another monotonous week behind cubicle walls. The blaring pitch of loneliness as another relationship ends in non-commitment. The dull hum of daily obligation and routine.

But what if we began to recognize these “off-beat instruments,” which we perceive as interrupting or insignificant, as parts of the whole melody being composed? It would free us from having to compartmentalize our lives into isolated noises. And even beyond that, what if we were to be intimately acquainted with the Composer of it all? I think only then could we truly begin to see the forest for the trees; to hear the soundtrack for the first time. And as we fall in love with the Composer and begin to trust more and more that His composition is Good, we begin to see each instrument as an instrument of purpose in our lives. And what was once noise becomes melody that continues to build until The Day we will hear with perfect clarity.

The Holiday Dichotomy

What is it about the Holiday season that blurs the line between hope and despair? I think the Holidays remind us of some greater good, some bigger story, of which we all long to be a part. There is a sense of belonging that takes place during the holiday season because everyone around us is experiencing it too. Our normal routine run to the neighborhood coffee shop up the street for our morning latte ends with the Barista bidding us well with "have a great holiday." There is a buzz in the air that's celebrated in displays of lights on rooftops and window sill greetings. But this corporate sense of belonging quickly fades to feelings of isolation when we return home to an empty house with latte in hand. Being with our families presents the same incongruities. We fill up houses with familiar strangers and the depression mounts. The principle of feeling most alone in a crowded room applies here. The holidays are filled with contradictions which surface the deeper questions we have in life and leave us wondering how to resolve the merriment we’re suppose to feel with the reality of what we actually feel.

We sing about "Joy to the World" and face the realities of yet another year of dysfunctional conversations/interactions over turkey and eggnog, yet another year of unrequited love, and yet another year of resolutions to replace the ones that failed from last New Year’s Eve. How do we reconcile the joy of this season with the realities we face? How can we enJOY our time with the familiar faces we call family? And even beyond that, how can we begin to resolve the deeper questions of purpose which the holidays have a way surfacing?

I propose gratitude is the answer. Gratitude is what saves us from lives centered on accumulation and frees us to live lives centered on giving. Until our hearts are filled with gratitude and contentment, our lives will be defined by incessant and unmet desires that leave us incapable of truly engaging in the present. Gratitude keeps us from living in a world of fantasy but instead allows us to deal with life as it is, not as we would have it. But a new morning dawns along with the day’s To-Do list and we hurriedly rush out the door inundated already with thoughts of what all has to get done. Somewhere between OUR agenda for the day and the holiday-laden billboards we pass on our way, with perfectly air-brushed bodies sipping on eggnog (which doesn’t seem to pose any threat to their metabolisms) and perfectly marketed products appealing to our constant thirst for more, any sense of gratitude is lost. It’s quickly replaced by a sense of discontent and striving and the joy and contentedness of lives as blessed as ours somehow get overlooked and buried beneath a pile of receipts and shopping bags.
Then a nationally declared holiday rolls around forcing us to take a day (if that) to reflect on all we have to be thankful for. Families hold hands for a brief moment and say prayers of thankfulness for blessings and circumstances that are “better off” than most of the world. And while yes it is important to remember the “less fortunate”, gratitude is not a matter of comparison. We are not to be thankful merely because of what we have versus what “they” don’t. Genuine gratitude is not the result of circumstance which makes it available to all people no matter their social status, ethnicity, education level, life stage, or age. Genuine gratitude is a heart attitude rooted in purpose that transcends all boundaries and is often experienced more by those who have the least in a materialistic sense. In my travels overseas I have experienced first-hand the unrestricted nature of gratitude—from the lively hearts of Chinese missionaries who face daily persecution to the generous lives of Mexican church clergy living in shacks yet giving of their income to better their societies.

And like these men and women who personify gratitude, as purpose in our lives begins to fade the discontentment our lives begin to look more like theirs and less like the cultural norm. Purpose is the driving force of gratitude and keeps us from searching for life in things that will only leave us empty. Purpose is what allows us to reconcile the incongruities of the holidays and in life. Purpose is what allows us to engage with our dysfunctional families without spiraling into depression.

I experienced the blessedness of living with purpose most clearly last New Year.
I stood by in the snow waving goodbye as the charter bus rolled away taking with it the 60 high school students I had just spent the week with in Breckenridge, CO. I must admit that I was relieved a little that I would be hopping on a plane ALONE in a couple of days. But on return to the condo we had been staying in, still containing teenage remnants, I was a little saddened by their sudden absence. Just the night before we celebrated the New Year with worship, sharing our hearts, praying for each other, and later on a little dance party and ice cream! No champagne, no glamour, no midnight kiss, no alcohol-dependent “fun”… but yet, one of the best New Years’ Eves I have ever had! I didn’t wake up the next morning with regret or a headache, but instead with such a full heart. The week spent serving students and living life beside them… encouraging, exhorting, loving, correcting, disciplining, and leading… reminded me once again of the life and abundance that results from the choice to die to ourselves and live with purpose. The momentary pleasure of the world pales in comparison to the lasting richness I experienced that week. And it’s that purpose I want to hang on to each day. It’s a purpose that I find rooted in the grace of Jesus Christ.

J-O-Y

A friend sent me this a while back. I think it is a great expression of what most of us probably feel when we think of "JOY". I know in my own life this fruit as well as the rest (love, peace, patience, kindness, etc) are often bitter to taste b/c their growth into lush, edible sweetness is often hindered by me living life on my terms. Control is the enemy of joy... may I give up, let go and find freedom in the resulting joy which is manifested.

Read below from John Eldredge



Dear Friends:
A few years ago a woman with a sensitive spirit and a keen eye for what God is up to pulled me aside to offer this warning: “The battle in your life is against your joy.” It hit me like a Mac truck. But of course. Suddenly, life made sense. The hassles. The battles. The disappointments. The losses. The resignation. Why hadn’t I seen it before? I mean, I face a lot of different skirmishes day to day, but now the diabolical plot behind them all came into view. I began to see how the enemy was first trying to take away all joy from my life. Wear me down. Then, weary and thirsty, I would be most vulnerable to some counterfeit joy.

It would start with mild addictions, then build to something worse. Her observation became a revelation became a rescue. The smoke alarm sounding off before the house goes up in flames. For several days the whole world made sense in light of joy. But in the day-to-day grind of the ensuing months, all that clarity slipped away. Completely. Joy as a category seemed...irrelevant. Nice, but unessential. Like owning a hot tub. And distant, too. The hot tub is in Fiji. Wouldn’t it be nice. Ain’t going to happen. Life’s not really about Joy. I’ve got all this stuff that has to get done. The mail is stacking up and I haven’t paid the bills in two months. The “fix engine” light came on in the Honda. Joy? Life’s about surviving, maybe a little pleasure. That’s what seemed true.

Really now – how much do you think about joy? Do you see it as essential to your life, something God insists on?

I was thinking of a great day I had summer before last. Sam, Blaine and I rode our horses together up through the woods. The sunlight was filtering down through the aspens as we followed an old game trail we’d never taken before. Our golden retriever Scout was running on ahead of us. The horses seemed to be enjoying it as much as we were. It was cool under the canopy of aspens. Quiet. Timeless. In the evening, Blaine and I took the canoe over to a high mountain reservoir fed by a beautiful rushing stream. We paddled about a half mile from the put-in back to the inlet. The trout were rising. Not another soul was around. For an hour we caught rainbows on dry flies, surrounded by mountains, the rushing inlet the only sound of the evening. On the way home we saw a fox, and a porcupine. It was an incredible day. One of those rare and glorious days that become, over time, the icon of summer vacation in our memories.

So–why didn’t I wake with a joyful heart the next day? Joy was just here. Where did it go? I feel like I met a stranger on an airplane. And we clicked. We swapped some stories, had a few drinks, laughed together. Then I drove home to an empty house. Its like that. I had an encounter with joy. It touched a longing. Now I begin to realize I haven’t even given ten minutes to joy, let alone pursued it as essential to my life. It has to do with agreements I’ve made without even knowing it. By “agreement” I mean those subtle convictions we come to, or assent to, or give way to. It happens down deep in our souls where our real beliefs about life are formed. Something or someone whispers to us, Life is never going to turn out the way you’d hoped, or, Nobody’s going to come through, or, God has forsaken you. And something in us responds with, That’s true. We make an agreement with it. A conviction is formed. It seems so reasonable. I think we come to more of our beliefs in this way than maybe any other. Subtle agreements. Anyhow, I begin to realize that what I’ve done for most of my life is resign myself to this idea: I’m really to going to have any lasting joy. And from that resignation gone on to try and find what I could have. Now to be fair, joy isn’t exactly falling from the sky these days. We don’t go out to gather it each morning like manna. It’s hard to come by. Joy seems more elusive than winning the lottery. We don’t like to think about it much, because it hurts to allow ourselves to feel how much we long for joy, and how seldom it drops by. But joy is the point. I know it is. God says that joy is our strength: “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). I think, My strength!? I don’t even think of it as my occasional boost. But yes, now that I give it some thought, I can see that when I have felt joy I have felt more alive than any other time in my life.

Pull up a memory of one of your best moments. The day at the beach. You’re eighth birthday. Remember what you felt like. Now – think what life would be like if you felt like that on a regular basis. Maybe that’s what being strengthened by joy feels like. It would be good. I take up a concordance, and begin to read a bit on joy. “My heart leaps with joy” (Psalm 28:7). When was the last time my heart leapt with joy? I don’t even remember. “You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound” (Psalm 4:7). I believe him. I believe God does this. I just can’t say I really know firsthand what he’s talking about. I turn to the Gospels. What does Jesus have to say about joy? “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (John 15:11). “Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete (John 16:24). Joy complete? The full measure of His joy? That’s what He wants for us?!! I’m almost stunned. I can’t believe it’s come down to joy. It’s so obvious now, and yet, it makes me really uncomfortable. Joy is such a tender thing, I think we resent it. We avoid it, because it feels too vulnerable to allow ourselves to admit the joy we long for but do not have. But I now this – I know we were meant for joy, and I know I can’t continue to live with only occasional sips of it. I found myself praying, Jesus, I have no idea where to go from here. But I invite you in. Bring me all the joy you have for me. Help me to see it when it comes. Help me not to resign myself to surviving. Restore my joy.

For your joy as well,
John Eldredge
Ransomed Heart Ministries

I Heart Jesus... and Business

Since college I think the faint question I've been wrestling with is "how do I combine business and missions?" That faint question has evolved into a loud vision which the Lord has orchestrated one piece at a time. And I am slowly learning to trust Him with the plans for my life and that He somehow is going to unite my heart for Jesus, my passion for business, and my love of the coffee industry into one big beautiful mess.

This is an excerpt from the CAM International website. It explains with more clarity what I am hoping to do in the coffee world:

"Entrepreneurialism, kingdom business, microenterprise development, Great Commission companies, missional corporations... No matter what name you give it, doing business as mission is a movement gaining momentum worldwide. Business men and women, field missionaries with business mindsets, and national leaders with a foot in the business world are increasingly involved in economic development by creating jobs through businesses. In some cases large scale ventures are launched, with potential to influence entire cities and regions."

The traditionally black and white division between ministry as sacred and business as secular has intentionally, blurring lines. Mike Baer, in his book Business as Mission, challenges the reader to “imagine what could happen if every Christian businessperson recognized that God had a purpose for their company greater than profit, employment, or customer satisfaction. Imagine if the vast number of believing business owners and operators turned their companies over to God to use for His glory. Imagine the power and joy of integrating business and faith for God’s kingdom. Think of the financial, technological, and human resources that would come into play. Think of the ways in which entire societies could be transformed for Christ.”

In God is at Work, Ken Eldred defines kingdom business as a “for-profit venture designed to facilitate God’s transformation of people and nations.” He also defines the key players in this movement as kingdom business professionals, or individuals who are “authentic, skilled business people who use their talents to further the worldwide mission of the Church through kingdom business.”

The Business as Mission strategy not only provides new channels for recruitment and the potential expansion of ministries. It also helps develop infrastructure (especially in economically poor Central America) as part of a supportive foundation upon which we can more easily accomplish global vision (i.e. training, empowering, and sending). Business as Mission can also be a supportive part of holistic ministry and outreach, which is not only biblical, but also has strong potential to enhance the ongoing viability and sustainability of continued involvement in CAM's historic fields.

Here are just some of the many available resources to learn more about the growing Business as Mission movement:
· Business as Mission, by Mike Baer. YWAM Publishing, 2006.
· God is at Work, by Ken Eldred. Regal Books, 2005.
· Great Commission Companies, by Steve Rundle and Tom Steffen. IVP, 2003.
· http://www.businessasmission.blogspot.com/, a B.A.M. resource blog
· www.kingdomcatalyst.org, an October 2007 B.A.M. conference in North Texas

The evolution of Thanks

I feel overwhelmed today and in light of Thanksgiving, a brief moment of reflection helps me to see that my the attitude of my heart is anything but thankful. How sad for me. For gratitude is so central to this faith I claim, and when it seems non-existent I must stop and question.

I think for me, gratitude is most often hindered by a false perception of myself. It's this cycle that begins with the internal pressure of performance informing who I am. And then sin & life happen and of course I fail to uphold some standard by which I am measuring myself. Then it is a spiral downward of guilt, shame, and an overwhelming sense that I have nothing to offer. I would like to believe Truth in these moments but the lies seem to be the louder reality. Mind you, this entire cycle can occur within a matter of minutes.

So where is the hope? How do I break out of the cycle? The Holy Spirit grabs my hand and leads me to repentence and gratitude. Then it all becomes clear again... the fog is lifted and I am reminded of the depth of Grace. It is all about Him... and my best moments of worship are when I most fully "get" this simple, yet profound Truth.

Oh, Lord forgive me for my pride... for exchanging Your Truth for lies & minimizing the Grace by which I am covered. I hang my head in shame and the entire time, You've been there trying to lift it up and to free me from self-dependent morality.

And as the sun comes beaming through the clouds of my heart, slowly my focus transitions from me to You. At first You are blurry and I can't make sense of it all, but increasingly your Spirit corrects my vision to see You for who You are. It is a breath-taking sight and now all I can do is praise You. And I don't need the excuse of a national holiday to do so.

I give you thanks Lord:
--- that you have taken this broken vessel and made it a house of Your Spirit... for I am eternally unworthy
--- that you have blessed me with friends that love me where I am at but enough not to leave me there
--- that you redeemed me from the pit & gave me a new name
--- that you are Healer and you are healing me from insecurity, past hurt, addiction, and a false view of myself
--- that you lead me to Life
--- that you are completely worthy of trust b/c you are infallible... incapable of failing me
--- that you are slowly shaping the way I love others by your love for me
--- that you formed me with your hands
--- that you bless me so I can experience the blessing of giving
--- that your patience always outlasts my rebellion
--- that your characteristics are indescribable
--- that your plan for my life is best
--- that you pursue me as if there were no others
--- that your kindness leads me to repentence
--- that you give gifts to your children
--- that you allow us to experience glimpses of True beauty
--- that you use us as part of the plot in eachother's lives
--- that you are wrapping everything up in the culmination of your return
--- that we will experience you face to face

May God use a nationally declared holiday to draw us near and may we take time to stop & reflect on matters more than just "pumpkin or pecan".

Kiva

Okay, so we do all this talking about how we want to invest in global initiatives... here is y'alls chance to back that up. Go to Kiva.org

Kiva is a microlending (microfinancing) site which connects people like us to people around the globe who are being proactive in making a living, supporting their families, and trying to break the cycle of poverty.

Here in the grand ole capitalistic society we live in, a monkey could start a business. I say that not to minimize the hard work involved in starting a business.... I am WELL aware of the degree to which "sweat equity" can involve more than just sweat... but I say that to make a point that there are so many resources available to the entrepreneurially-minded here in America. We have: "Start-ups for Dummies" and a slew of literature and step-by-step websites, venture capitalists, small business loans, angel investor groups, government grants, heck.... even friends/family.

But in alot of countries around the world, there are no resources to turn to. That's why we can play a critical role in people's lives who are fighting back underneath the weight of disadvantage and poverty. May we be God's hands to help lighten the load.

"Kiva lets you connect with and loan money to unique small businesses in the developing world. By choosing a business on Kiva.org, you can "sponsor a business" and help the world's working poor make great strides towards economic independence. Throughout the course of the loan (usually 6-12 months), you can receive email journal updates from the business you've sponsored. As loans are repaid, you get your loan money back."

"We partner with organizations all over the world
Kiva partners with existing microfinance institutions. In doing so, we gain access to outstanding entrepreneurs from impoverished communities world-wide. Our partners are experts in choosing qualified borrowers. That said, they are usually short on funds. Through Kiva.org, our partners upload their borrower profiles directly to the site so you can lend to them."

So go to the website: http://www.kiva.org/
Read the stories
Make a difference... it's amazing how far $50 goes in Azerbaijan.

It's HIS money... ask Him what He wants you to do with it? Just a gut feeling that you're not going to hear "hoard it & build a home in Highland Park". No, in fact, I surmise that the conversation might go a bit like this:

US: "Jesus... I love you SO much and want to follow your will for my life. What shall I do?"

Jesus: "You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'"

US: "All these I have kept."

Jesus: "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

US: silence... hmmm, self, whatever does He mean? Surely He can't mean sell my stock, my SUV..... lump.... swallow

See also: Luke 18:18-23 The Story of The Rich Young Ruler

It is the heart matter Jesus is getting to here... he reveals with poignancy the things that we tie our hearts to... which in turn tie us down. I see this not as a legalistic command... but more of a plea from Jesus for us to find life. He desperately wants to rescue us from the empty-ended pursuit of wealth, status, and material possession. I don't think He is saying those things are "bad" in and of themselves... they become "bad" when they are the end-all. Bad for us and bad for others. The more we cling to them the more we stockpile... only to take none of it to the grave. Give it away is Jesus' model and my prayer is that the mentality will increasingly govern my life. Hmmmm... stockpile and take none of it with us. OR give it away & have a stockpile of heavenly treasure awaiting.

I think I'll wait for the treasure.

i heart coffee

I sat down to chat with a friend regarding the coffee industry yesterday and we watched a piece of http://www.blackgoldmovie.com/ . His reply was "yeah, but you could start to question every industry... the jeans you wear for instance" and so on and so on. I was disappointed that the poignancy of the message seemed to bounce right off his heart.

Isn't that what we should be doing... questioning? Yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming when you start to actually think about your purchases before you make them (revolutionary concept), but as consumers of 1/4 of the world's wealth we have a choice: we can either continue to be a source of bitterness and resentment as the gap only widens b/w the rich & the poor and the poor become more aware of it (through modern technology) --OR-- we can conside what we have a blessing and use it to in turn bless others.

While you digest, I'm going to return to the topic of the coffee industry. If you, like most Americans, are guilty of sipping your daily $5 latte from the green monster without any regard as to the sweat, blood, and tears on the other side of the coffee inside... you might enjoy http://www.blackgoldmovie.com/. Heck, that may even be you in the movie.

I've seen this movie a dozen times and while I have refined where I spend my discretionary income... I still feel very helpless in alot of ways. As I stand on the edge of hopefully opening my own shop(s) in the near future, my heart is to connect with growers/ farmers all over the world. But where to start? http://www.growersfirst.org/ is a great initiative and they have been very helpful.

In any case... just questions tonight and really too much blabbering b/c I'm tired and need to be working on my business plan.

peace, love, and coffee beans