thoughts on singleness...

more thoughts on a conversation I had with a friend recently....

I hear ya on the "single friends dropping like flies" comment! Just wait until the "Friends Having Babies" Phase! Its very surreal. I attended a baby shower for a friend from high school that is two years younger than me...I, of course, am so happy for her & her impending motherhood, but I left that day praising the Lord with where He has me and just knowing that that lifestyle is not what He has for me right now. And I'm okay with it. It's funny though... running back into friends from high school (most of which are married with kids by now) and the first question is "Are you dating anyone?" I know it's just an innocent question on their part, but I do find it almost comical that society as a whole doesn't really know what to do with you if you get to be 27 and are just content being single.

Either culture wants to turn it into one big excuse to self-indulge...encouraging you to "be independent, continue to keep your options open, and hey, you still have the freedom to party". Subtly insinuating that committment is a negative thing. -OR- Christian circles want to turn it into a performance-driven preparation for what's to come. Handing you a long check-list of things to accomplish so that you are "ready".

Either way, it's postponing living in the moment and having faith that single or not single, God is unchanging, Good, and in-control. I think for so many women (I won't speak for men), the whole issue of singleness really all comes down to control. Are we going to allow society to control our mindset during this season by engaging in temporary fixes that keep us distracted & self-absorbed -OR- allow false Christian doctrine to make God into some reactionary being who we can control by checking all the boxes -OR- are we gonna trust He's never left His throne, He is intimately acquainted with us and His will for us at any point in time is for our eventual joy and His glory.

Trust in Him is the only thing that gives us freedom to be content where we are at & to keep the focus off of us.

Ha...After reading this it makes me sound like I am just blissfully floating through singleness.. not the case. It is a battle and I definitely would love to be married sometimes...though suburbia life makes me wanna throw up a little in my mouth. I kinda picture traveling the world w/ my husband...with kids in tow as more of my speed.

Anyway...all that to say God is good and it's not a matter of where we are at in life relative to where someone else is at...it's where He has us and so its good. God doesn't ever get the "Teacher's Pet" mentality & play favorites so it is never a matter of comparison. See Romans chapters 9-11. I may not like it sometimes, but I have to believe that God is not arbitrary in allowing it. He is a God of details...a God of initimacy...so these little glitches where I can find myself asking "God, where were you in that situation or circumstance?".... must all be somehow weaving together b/c God doesn't have "senior moments" or momentary lapses of judgement. He does everything with intention and purpose. And some of those purposes I will not know until at last I am Home.

My hang-up sometimes comes with the not-knowing-and-still-trusting though. I must trust that despite not knowing or understanding the "whys" that God is worthy of my trust. That He isn't some abusive control freak who gets kicks out of allowing me to see only bits and pieces. He is not manipulative in His power and I can fully trust His authority in my life. That is good news for me, a person who struggles alot with lingering issues with authority figures as a result of my upbringing.

And this is also Good news because it frees me from the Shame-Performance cycle of feeling like I must not be worthy enough to be blessed with a husband yet so I must get busy proving my worth and value as an ambassador for Christ so that I can be rewarded. What a flawed view of God and Singleness for so many reasons: a. Pride in thinking that my actions/ my works determine God's next move in my life (like me and God are playing some Cosmic Chess Game) b. again Prideful and ASSuming that marriage is what God has next for me. What if it's not and what if I don't even have tomorrow? There are endless possibilities for how my life story could play out, so why would I modify my lifestyle now around only one potential outcome? c. because I want to hang on to control and trust in myself and what I think/want/feel. d. emotions (perpetuated by Hollywood) are given way to loud a voice. e. because we "feel" like something might be right or good, God owes it to us. We adopt the mentality of an ungrateful teenager and our bratty requests to God are a slap in the face to the Cross. Its what God can do for us, and there is no sacrifice or death to self on our part. [INSERT] major problems with the church here. (see Prosperity Gospel).

I was listening to a Matt Chandler sermon recently that ties all this in very nicely. Check it out HERE. http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons.html
Scroll down and the sermon is called "Hope in Real Life", dated 5/25/08



Okay...I'm done.